Synonyms for Optimism

Fresh Start + Moving to Tumblr

2011-09-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

After over a year of slumber, Synonyms for Optimism has been revived! Moving the blog to Tumblr at the link below:

http://synonymsforoptimism.tumblr.com/

Hope to see you there!

First-Rate Community

2010-07-01T09:48:00.001-07:00

The topic of community has been popping up all over the place lately. I've heard multiple sermons on the importance of community, discussed it with my Life Group, and contemplated the issue in the context of my home church friend circle.

The basic layout of what was discussed during such sermons, is that God is triune -- comprised of Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit. There is plurality, as we can see, for example, through the Greek word for God, Elohim, which is used frequently in Genesis and represents a plurality of the same kind. Okay, definitely strange, but we get that. The point that I never considered is that, due to their being both one God and separate entities, they experience an eternal community with one another.

In addition to this, humans were created out of the overwhelming love that exists within the Trinity. It overflowed, and God created us in His image so that there could be more beings to experience the glory that is community. He doesn't need us to be there, as He already has the most incredible, unmatched friend group in Himself, but He wanted to share that beauty with something else.

I sometimes struggle with this idea that we were made for community, but that's because community is often warped and twisted by the infiltration of lies, greed, gossip, selfishness, what have you. I also value privacy and "alone time" to recharge, because I seem to fall on the introverted side of the spectrum.

This weekend I went on a road trip to San Jose with some friends from my Life Group. Our group fluctuated throughout the trip, landing between five and nine people at all times, but it was so strange -- no matter the size, we had this incredible community. Looking back on the trip, I realized that conflict was virtually absent, and people were more honest and open with each other than I'd experienced in a long time. And that's saying a lot, considering that my Life Group has grown tremendously in being open and raw with one another.

We cooked together, people let me borrow their clothes and shoes to go running, we squished into cars and didn't fight over shotgun even once, we let people borrow money and made the plans as a group. The outcome of this was a trip that was miraculously action-packed and relaxing simultaneously. I honestly don't know if I've ever felt that so perfectly before.

The part of this that has been hitting me the hardest was what this experience of real community did to me. I felt more like myself than I have in ages. I was me at the core -- giggly and hyper, while still deep and serious at times. I had such quality conversations, yet got to be my silly self throughout the trip. I laughed so much, was outgoing and spoke my mind, and I felt like my insecurities went out the door. I felt beautiful -- not in a physical way per-say-- because I was being who I was created to be.

Now that I'm home, I'm reminded of all the issues I usually face and how self-conscious I tend to feel. I know now how dire it is for me to create community around me, and be myself at all times so that others can be their true selves as well. I don't want to care about what people think, and being free of that for a weekend was more than enough of a sample of it for me to realize that I need to be in that state as often as possible. God made us all incredible in different ways, and we need to let our guards down and be those people, whether or not others will accept that. Because until we are those raw selves, we can only be as beautiful, deep or fun as humanity can devise. Why would we want that second-rate version of such things, when we can have community, beauty, depth and fun of God's unmatchable design?

2010-06-25T08:49:00.000-07:00

[via we<3it]

Satan's pretty brilliant.

It makes sense considering he was once an angel, resilient and ready to do God's bidding.

God is always going to be stronger, triumphant over Satan, but because of free will, Satan is allowed to give it his best shot to turn us. And we are given the option of succumbing.

It can be difficult to talk to those who don't believe in Jesus, and I know I often find myself editing out over-the-top religiousness because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. I want to tell them about what God is doing in my life and how amazing things feel when I'm truly seeking the Lord, but at the same time, I know that until they experience a taste of it themselves, they can't really relate to what I'm talking about. Maybe I can explain it in terms of first-kiss butterflies or post-workout highs, the feeling of reaching the top of the mountain or trying new food that you end up adoring. But nothing, not even those things in combination, can emulate how it feels to feel God working in your life and seeing His plan unfold.

But when someone first accepts Jesus, they have that moment where it suddenly all makes sense and they cannot believe they ever lived without His guidance. When I first decided to truly follow God, it was because I felt His presence, felt him "speaking" to me, upon reading Psalm 139. I felt that believe in Jesus was merely a belief, and that since all this stuff happened so long ago, I didn't need to pursue anything in the now. Instead, I felt God's stir inside of me of "I am present, current. I am now. And I want a relationship with you." I love when I am lucky enough to get to see that change in someone else.

I think that Satan's most brilliant plan though, is keeping Christians at a state of complacency. So many people label themselves as "Christian" but spend the weekend getting wasted, cheat on their taxes, don't take the time to say "I'm sorry," and never, ever talk about God. They still melt at a cute story of God's provision, perhaps, or say grace at an extended family dinner, but that's the extent of things. And if Satan can keep Christians in that state, they won't be telling their friends of what God has done, and will continue to live a life that causes those who don't believe in the faith to dismiss Christianity as hypocritical and pointless. What's the point of having the label of "Christian" if ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CHANGES?

The thing with hypocrisy is that since all people sin and mess up, every single Christian is a hypocrite on a daily basis. We cannot escape that. You may have you lost your temper at work yesterday, or find yourself gossiping about your professor, and the reality is, we all mess up in those ways every single day. But the point is, we need to be seeking God every single day as well, getting the support and strength we need to downsize on how much we err.

Jesus was radical. Extremely radical. Whenever someone at RockHarbor teaches on a parable and puts the story in the context of the times, I am amazed at how bold and revolutionary Jesus was in everything he did. The last thing he is, is boring. And the last thing he would ever do, is sit back, secure in some wishy-washy, label-centered version of faith, and do nothing to change this broken world.

I'm sure you've heard this before, but those who don't believe in Jesus usually don't have a problem with Jesus. He was completely loving, and did what he said, practiced what he preached. They have a problem with his followers.

As Christians, we need to try our best to support each other, because complacency will always try to sneak back in. In American culture, that's Satan's best plan of attack for us. We don't really have persecution, visible demonic presence, physical war on our own soil. He snakes his way into our media, our materialistic lifestyles, and jabs at us through money, appearance, and breaking apart strong friendships and having us rely totally on Facebook and the like for our relationships. Satan doesn't have to fight, he just has us forget.

Don't let each other forget!

"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me." - Matthew 15:8

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." - James 4:17

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven" - Matthew 7:21

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." - James 1:22

Time for a Movie Metaphor

2010-05-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched part of Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring with some friends, and I'd forgotten how good that series is. I'm not a huge LOTR book or movie buff, but I've always had a soft spot for fantasy -- and high fantasy with Christian undertones has a nerd-shaped place in my heart.

It seems that each time I watch something that has a dual meaning, different aspects of that other interpretation stand out. Last night, I was fixated on the ring as temptation. And through that, two issues came up:

[1. The nature of temptation itself]

[2. The line between fighting and giving in to temptation]

At first, Frodo is oblivious to the power of the ring. It's just a simple gold band that Bilbo Baggins held onto and that Gandalf wants him to protect. It's nothing tempting. Yet to Gandalf, it's an insanely desirable object. He can't protect it, because he'll too driven to use it.

What this made me realize is that as Christians, we often have difficulty "understanding" someone else's issues, because what's tempting for one person may seem like an easy thing to conquer. And we push others away by claiming, "It's just a ring!" when it's an endless ocean of issues for someone else.

At the same time, I feel the movie gives us a glimpse of temptation and giving in from God's perspective.

Whenever a character in LOTR becomes tempted by the ring, we see a glint in their eyes, and a shift in the state of their heart. They become mesmerized by the ring and either force themselves to snap out of it, or they allow the greed and selfishness to pierce their souls and twist them into something similar to what Gollum became as Smeagol.

I always liked the fact that Gollum's name changed after he became overpowered by the ring -- it reminds me of the way God renames Biblical figures when they choose to live their lives for Him. It's so eerie to think of being renamed the other direction, as with Gollum, yet it happens all the time. The "good girl" can become the "party animal" or the "slut." The "dedicated student" can become the "lazy pothead" or, on the other end of the spectrum, the "workaholic."

But as we see characters change and cling to the ring, we feel so terrible for them. We don't hate them for it, but we hate that greed within them. We root for them to turn away, and we see that all they have to do is put the ring down. It doesn't look like a huge task, but the inner war is raging, making them blind to how much better they'd feel without that ring. They may not even be able to pinpoint what their problem is, while we see the gleaming, golden ring as the obvious issue.

We need God's help to pinpoint the rings in our life and convict us to put them down. We need to step back and see ourselves reaching for that ring, and stop ourselves before the faces of our souls contort and our hearts harden to God's desire to intervene. And lastly, we have to help our friends recognize and step back from their rings, understanding that we, too, have been in their place.

2010-05-25T16:14:00.001-07:00

[photo via we<3it]

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the New University published my other two articles in this week's paper!

One is about my caffeine addiction, and the other is about the Noah's Ark discovery.

I am so thankful that they've been giving me the opportunity to write for the masses outside of blogging and twittering :)

2010-05-18T10:42:00.000-07:00

Sorry that it seems I've been M.I.A! I've been writing articles for the UCI newspaper, New University. My first article was just published today and you can read it here.

I hope to spend a great deal of time this summer looking for places to write in cyberspace and blogging more frequently. I have less than four weeks of school left, so that time is coming soon :) I have a lot of ideas saved up, and I can't wait to write away!

Happy Sunday

2010-05-09T16:52:00.001-07:00

This video speaks the truth -- though it might be a tad politically incorrect ;) Love it nonetheless!
<3

Forgiveness is more than saying sorry

2010-04-19T09:49:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been exploring the idea of "hating" someone. Most of the time, people throw around the word "hate" without actually meaning it. Often, though, we mean it all too much.

I could be wrong, but I feel that women use the term more frequently than men. What is it about women that could cause this? Well, what strikes me first is that women are often more emotional and thus, more likely to exaggerate when they merely dislike someone.

But I feel that "disliking" someone, despite your gender, is a general term that spans out of either two pathways. One is that you honestly have difficulty getting along with the person because they are rude, annoying, did something to hurt you, etc. The second pathway is a dislike that comes out of assumption and/or jealousy completely independent of the person's actions towards you. And now and then the paths cross.

I noticed a homeless woman wandering around the University Town Center this morning. Two of my roommates have interacted with her before and they were shocked at how sweet and generous she was. One of my roommates helped the woman with her belongings one day, and felt guilty because she were wearing a fashionista-type outfit, while the homeless woman merely owned one measly bag of ragged items.

"She must hate me," my roommate thought. "It's so unfair that I can afford what she can't."

If there was any hatred there, it couldn't be detected. The homeless woman thanked my roommate for her help and proceeded to pray over her. To pray for the best for her. To pray she would receive more blessings.

My roommate was astounded.

In opposition to this beautiful scenario, I've heard people on campus mention this same homeless woman with a tinge of disgust infecting their voices. "Why is she allowed to walk around here?" "I think she has a mental problem."

This kind of hate comes out of the second pathway of assumption. They've never helped her with her luggage. They don't know that she finds freedom in having so few belongings. We can't envy the girl with the incredible outfit or the model-status body, and we can't assume anything about those who seem "different." We need to see the ways that people are blessed as beauty instead of interpreting that person through envious eyes, and we need to give people a chance to reveal their inner selves before jumping to conclusions.

The first pathway I mentioned, though, is the one that leaves us struggling to forgive. If a person does something against us, even indirectly, we often feel justified in our "hatred." But getting past it and truly forgiving them (through much-needed prayer) is an immense step towards having God's Kingdom truly reign in your life.

So pray for the ex-girlfriend/boyfriend who broke your heart (or even your current significant other's exes that you may feel jealousy toward).

Hope the best for the bully in eighth grade who lowered your self-esteem.

Forgive the teacher who gave you a terrible grade on a paper you prized by trying to learn from their comments on it.

We all need to be humbled, myself most definitely included. We need to stop formulating preconceived notions, and give others the chance to change our minds even when they have gravely hurt us.

Surrounded

2010-04-13T16:56:00.000-07:00

[Photo by Kerry Dang]

Sorry for the delay in truly reviving the blog! My mind is full of so many post ideas that I haven't known where to start!

Lately I've been thinking about how easily we are persuaded by others' lifestyles. In some situations, it doesn't make much of a difference whether or not we decide to give in to the culture around us, but obviously, a lot of what we encounter on a daily basis is flagrantly in opposition to Christianity. Yet, we feed it, or I know I do at least.

Take the television show Gossip Girl, for example. The characters prize materialism, slander, revenge and lust among other such things. Yet, I make sure to get my weekly dose of the drama.

The thing is, though, that I am not persuaded by the television show to change my values. They seem to live in an entirely different world, the Upper East Side, and I feel it can't affect me because their realm of living is incongruous to mine.

But let's look at the Israelites. Moses led them out of Egypt, and by the time you get to the Book of Judges, they are falling time and time again to the idols and immorality of those around them. It's easy to read Judges, and wonder how one could possibly fall into bowing to a golden figurine, but if you put that into modern day terms, it's the same as putting an object like new shoes or concert tickets, or a way of life, like excessive partying or promiscuity, above God.

When we look at those examples from living today, things start to make sense. What makes materialism, slander, revenge, lust and all those Gossip Girl kind of qualities to difficult to deal with? Maybe because we see those attributes prized by people in our classes, at our work places, potentially even in our own houses or apartments. Yeah, we won't get into that Upper East Side stuff, but there might as well be a Gossip Girl in Southern California or any other city across the world. We live in the land of Canaan.

As Christians, we need community of course (legitimate, deep community), to help us stand firm in our beliefs and keep us from succumbing to the idols around us. We need to recognize the ways that those around us match up with our values and morals, and also the lines we shouldn't cross that others may not perceive as inappropriate.

But an important part of it, is that we need to recognize what we can, and really cannot handle as individuals (for example, watching Gossip Girl could be an awful choice for a shopaholic or someone trying to let go of caring about their popularity). And to do this, we need to stay in constant contact with our Lord, and remember the ways that He's led us out of our own Egypts.

"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."
-Ephesians 6:11

Back in Action!

2010-03-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

Synonyms for Optimism is back in action -- but with a bit of a different purpose!

I am switching majors once again -- at the start of next quarter I will declare a Literary Journalism and Religious Studies double major! Because of this, I feel it would be beneficial for me to begin combining the two more frequently. I think this would be a great place for me to explore faith as a Christian girl who IS interested in pop culture.

No longer an entirely personal blog, I want Synonyms for Optimism to focus on faith and life application as some of my posts already did. Because of this, I may weed out some of my older posts that refer to mundane daily events, and leave the faith-based in place.

At the same time, I hope to discuss music, fashion, current events, etc in my blog, because I think a big mistake many Christians and other religious persons make is severing themselves from society. "Not of This World" and "In Case of Rapture This Car Will Be Unmanned" bumper stickers are only play a small part in how many religious people seek to place themselves above the "unsaved" instead of realizing that God loves us all equally. Part of grasping that is gaining knowledge of what is going on in our world, what trends people follow, and the reasons behind it all. We can love others, but how much easier is it to love those we attempt to understand and befriend? Nothing is worse than a Christian who chooses to ignore the world to live in an isolated bubble of purity and self-centeredness.

Perhaps that sounds a bit harsh, but I want to make the purpose of my blog clear. It's time that the world actually sees Christianity as synonymous with love. 'Cause let's face it, the screaming Bible-in-your-face, holier-than-thou, don't-even-wanna-hear-what's-out-there "Christians" often show less love than those who don't know the Lord. We all make mistakes -- we all sin -- but the Christians who try to cover up their faults and merely point the finger at others are missing the point entirely.

Which is part of why I want to major in Religious Studies -- I want to know the beliefs of others, be aware of world news, and take the time to bond with people of other faiths. I, myself, am guilty of spending time primarily with other Christians, and hope to expand my horizons.

So here it is! Synonyms for Optimism with a real mission and message. Thanks for reading!

Julia

[P.S. Kerry is teaching me photography/taking a lot of photos, so I'll have original stuff to put up. And a lot of it is film!]

2010-02-04T18:40:00.001-08:00

Lately I’ve been exploring the idea of what “sin” really is, and feel that looking deeper into it has radically changed the way I approach faith.

Last night, a friend of mine defined sinning as “Loving something more than you love God.” I feel that this definition is spot-on, as whenever we lose sight of God and kick Him out of the center of our lives, we don’t think twice about falling into certain pockets of sin. We are losing sight of the fact that Christianity is a relationship, instead of a list of rules. We may keep from sinning in certain ways even when we aren’t connecting with the Lord, but there are always those areas that tend to be problematic the moment our hearts venture away from God.

As I kept thinking about sinning as a sign of not loving God enough, I realized today that one could also argue that sinning is “cheating” on Him. We are putting ourselves and our desires above loving Him and honoring Him, and we are neglecting how our consequences will make Him feel. We might say we love him, but it’s similar to a man having an affair claiming he still loves his wife. Maybe we do to an extent, but we aren’t loving Him powerfully enough to want to put Him above ourselves.

He tells us not to lie, not to be prideful, not to have premarital sex, but when we disobey Him in those areas, we are telling him that we know better, and that what we want for ourselves is more important than the amazing things He has in store for us.

Since a lot of what defines something as a sin relies on the state of our hearts, many a time things that start off as good and pure can be twisted into sin.

Let’s take an example from a romantic relationship. There is nothing wrong with someone hanging out with a friend of the opposite sex, even though they are in a relationship. They could catch up over coffee, talk on the phone, update each other over Facebook, and all of that is perfectly healthy. On the other hand, there may be certain people that someone in a relationship shouldn’t even text because that person causes them to stumble mentally or tempts them out of their relationship with their significant other.

So if we looked at God as our significant other, one demonstration of the concept of the state of our hearts could be alcohol. Some people can drink a few beers socially and all is well, while someone else might not be able to even take a sip of wine without downing the entire bottle out of emotional pain. There’s nothing wrong with alcohol, but now the second person in the example is, in that moment, putting their trust in the alcohol to rescue them from their sadness instead of their Creator.

Similarly, I heard today that “To love someone is to obliterate the distance between you and them.” This makes sense with God as well. When we love Him, we don’t want to sin, because sin creates a distance between us and God. We want to pray to Him and read the Bible and witness. This can be translated to talking to Him, learning more about Him, and telling others about Him, just like someone in a dating relationship would approach getting to know and growing in love with their significant other. It’s scary to be in a place where we are more focused on talking to/learning about/telling others about something or someone else other than the Lord, but that’s where we usually are. We are putting ourselves first.

God loves us so much. He’s the faithful spouse that’s waiting at home, hoping we’ll stop putting so many other things first. He’s the loving father hoping his estranged son will come around. The metaphors are endless, but the basic point is all the same.

He adores us, and instead of focusing on what we can’t have or can’t do, we should pour our hearts out to Him, and share in a love that is “greater than life itself.”

2010-01-13T08:09:00.001-08:00

I haven't blogged in awhile, but there is so much on my mind. School began last week and suddenly it's back to routine -- something that's so freeing and so restricting simultaneously. Having Kerry in my life has been shaping my quarter very differently so far. For instance, this fall, I focused a lot on my schoolwork/Life Group/being social and completely neglected eating right. With the exception of a few Lean Cuisines, I ate out most of the time, which was a hideous waste of my paycheck. This quarter, I've been cooking (or eating what Kerry cooks -- that might be a more accurate description), socializing through my apartment, working out more often, and am attempting to read through the Bible this year. I've also noticed that my relationship with him further cultivates my creativity. Something about interacting with Kerry makes my imagination swell and inspires me so, so much.

In addition, I've noticed that I don't worry nearly as much. I'm prone to over-thinking things, and was beginning to feel at home with stress plaguing my life. This quarter, I feel so calm about school work and responsibility. If there is a mess, you clean it up. If you have an assignment, you do it. But you don't have to worry about either the act of cleaning or doing schoolwork or whatever it is until it's time to complete that task. Yes, there are certain assignments for example that require a great deal of premeditation, but aside from those exceptions, there are a lot of worry-inducing things out there that can be put out of mind until the appropriate time.

The root of all my mental/emotional improvements is God's provision. Last school year, I definitely tried to provide for myself, which left me broken. Last quarter, God turned things around for me and showed me that trusting in His provision reaps far greater reward than handling life on one's own.

I have to be careful, though, to not clutch those blessings so tightly that I wreck the enjoyment of them in the moment. If you think about it, everything we have or feel we can claim as ours, is for rent under God. If we are squeezing God's loaned out belongings with so much force, we'll damage those belongings and pay a fine as we would with trashing rental property. It's not a fine in the typical sense, but all that clenching will tear our hearts and break us down, it'll keep us from seeing the finer things in life and actually enjoying ourselves.

And if He entrusts us with some wonderful blessing, and decides to take it away, we have to trust that He has something else coming around the corner. He made our hearts -- the passions we have, the adoration we can feel, was created by Him, so if He takes something away that we love, it's only going to be for very good reason.

This concept reminds me of the Nooma video "Kickball." In the short video, Rob Bell talks about going to the mall with his family. His son sees a kiosk for those toys where a rubber ball is attached to a cord, and the end of a cord has a loop you can place around your finger. He sees a demonstration for one and tries it out, and now he's convinced that he needs to have that toy in his life. The son begins to cry and beg for the toy, but Rob Bell doesn't want him to have it. Why? Because after the mall, he's planning on taking his son to a sporting goods store to buy a kickball. To his son, the coolest toy he can fathom in the moment is that stupid ball on a string in front of him, but his father knows of something he'll enjoy even more. After his son makes a scene, Rob Bell finally gets his child away from the kiosk. At the end of the video, they go to the sporting goods store, and his son's eyes light up with more excitement than he could have mustered for the ball on a string. He faces a huge wall of brand-new kickballs in a plethora of colors, and his father lets him pick whichever one his heart desires.

God finally wrenched the lame kiosk toys from my hands and showed me that he has something better fitting for me. He's healing my unbelief -- I feel that I can fully trust Him to provide after seeing how he's moved in my life lately. I just can't squeeze the kickball too tightly or it'll go flat and be rendered useless.

The crazy thing is, even when we ruin God's equipment, He still loans out more.

He just loves you SO much.

"Sometimes growing up, it can get you down."

2009-12-23T06:37:00.000-08:00

I turn 20 today!

I've been really excited about the fact that I'm entering my 20s, but at the same time, something about it is a tad bit depressing. It's so weird to realize that what seems like the blink of an eye has been the passing of two decades. I keep thinking that I should have or could have done more in the past twenty years to honor God or leave my mark on this world, but with the exception of the past several years, I wasn't capable of doing much at all considering I was just a child. So I suppose I can't beat myself up over that (and there's no point in dwelling on the past that way).

The next twenty years I have no excuse for, though. I'm an adult, I know the Lord, I've realized many of my passions and know how to harness the drive I have and use it to the best of my abilities. I could do so much if I let God use me these next twenty years. And unlike past birthdays, where I feel that I must vow to be more mature and grown-up for the next year, I instead want to promise myself that I will live my twentieth year full of childlike wonder and unconditional love for others. I want to be a more passionate, alive person than ever before, and instead of focusing on making my mark, I want to focus on making whatever mark God wants me to make. Please, please, please keep me accountable!

Here are two songs to celebrate what I left behind.

On another note, my sister gave me four Nooma videos for my birthday! I love Rob Bell and I highly recommend those videos and his two books (Sex God and Velvet Elvis). Rob Bell is a pastor at a Mars Hill church in Michigan and now that I think about it, is one of the people whose teachings really helped shape my faith. I remember first watching a video of his at a summer camp and loving how non-traditional it was. Rob Bell seems really passionate and down-to-earth, and his teachings are definitely formed to target people who live in this uber-modern world (in other words, his teachings seem to translate Biblical concepts to our current times).

It's a dancy kind of day

2009-12-21T14:32:00.000-08:00

I feel like God has really been speaking to me lately. Not in a booming voice that shatters the heavens, of course. Instead He's giving me internal wake-up calls that remind me of silent shouting. It's a hard thing to describe, but I am trying to soak up all I can from His words to me.

I keep thinking about how Mother Theresa felt God at the age of seven, but then spent most of her life feeling as if He were absent. I know that feeling, of God seeming distant even though He's near, but I am thankful for times like these when that is not the case in my life.

I'm used to God working primarily through others in my life, hearing hose words of encouragement from a friend or through a hard-hitting sermon that seems to be speaking directly to me.
So it blows my mind when I feel that He is telling me something without that third party involved. It also reminds me to be cautious; I need to make sure I'm not placing my own voice and opinions in the mix.

Just got to be patient, and just got to live with joy.

2009-12-18T14:24:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago, I was reminded of something extremely important: the fact that we live in a world doused in spiritual warfare. I personally get caught up in lies about myself and end up spiraling downward in self-loathing or spend my time worrying and over-thinking things that shouldn't have a single complication in them to begin with. And upon realizing what I've done to myself, I end up beating myself down even more.

But what I realized the other day, was that being on the look-out for spiritual warfare and actually naming the areas in your life that can be taken advantage of by the Enemy, can drastically change the way you view yourself, other Christians, and God. It reminds you that you are, indeed, a weak human being who can be manipulated to think in certain ways or get stuck in certain cycles. But it also reminds you that God is greater than anything out there ready to trick you, and that if you continually put God above your own will and self, He'll help you realize what's trying to bring you down.

Thirdly, it reminds you that Christians are merely those who have recognized that God is there, that He's saved humanity through Jesus Christ, and can fight against opposing forces because they recognize the existence of that spiritual struggle. So if a Christian were to place that knowledge far back in their mind, in some dusty corner of their brain, they would act as those who have not yet recognized the existence of an Enemy. Yes, they would be saved since they've accepted Jesus, but their life might not reflect what God would have for them. They could be, to an extent, used as a tool for the Enemy instead of for the Lord.

The fact that any Christian could be tricked off their intended path this way, the fact that it is a daily struggle to keep trekking forward for God despite the pull of this world, is the reason that so many view Christians as hypocrites. That's why there are Christians who get caught involved in stuff often deemed "worse" than the sins of some non-Christians. That's why you hear stories of a pastor committing adultery or the supposed goodie-two-shoes Bible-thumper selling drugs. Because in reality, there isn't a person out there who isn't at some point a hypocrite. And trying to live according to the Bible is a difficult task in a world full of brokenness and sin. Obviously those examples are extreme, but it still stands true that we are imperfect, feeble humans, and the important thing is that God's love and forgiveness covers that sin. We are sinners, but saints in Him, we are weak, but strong in Him, we can be tormented on earth and tempted greatly, but in Him we can recognize that opposition and choose to rebel against it.

So for those of you out there who are believers, just keep in mind that there IS something fighting to tear you away from God. We can't judge others for falling to the vices of this world, because we all do in different ways. We can only work together to keep each other strong in the face of opposition and assist one another in noting the ways we can be targeted. It's a huge battle, but if we take it one day at a time, we can win this for God.

Was introduced to this song during finals week and I love it. So simple but so meaningful simultaneously:

2009-12-15T10:41:00.000-08:00

Currently diggin' Camera Obscura. I love how their sound imitates 60's music. It gives their songs a sweet, innocent feel, and instantly brightens my mood.

2009-12-13T17:48:00.000-08:00

Life has been too beautiful for words.

Finals are over, and the company of others cushioned me from feeling the stress of papers and tests. I feel like there are cartoon hearts popping from my eyes and I can't stop smiling.

Now I'm on to ugly Christmas sweater parties, holiday concerts and performances, reading some C.S. Lewis, admiring the holiday lights and my third package of dark chocolate covered peppermint Joe Joe's from Trader Joes.

The air is full of Fleet Foxes and the scent of his cologne, the sound of giggles and sighs, our voices blending in sing-a-longs.

It's all a better gift than I could have ever expected.

2009-12-03T18:13:00.000-08:00

The word of the week is: blessed
Song of the day is: My Love - The Bird and the Bee
Emotion of the moment: astounded
Common themes: study parties, learning, prayers, photo shoots, extra shots of espresso, Mexican food, Indie music, story telling, simplicity, butterflies
The center of it all: Jesus
Thankyouthankyouthankyou God

2009-12-02T05:48:00.001-08:00

I can't sleep despite the fact that I'm entirely sleep-deprived. There is so much on my mind and my stomach is growling like crazy. I don't eat enough these days, which is odd because I'm usually a total food connoisseur. Speaking of foodies, John Mayer tweeted the other day regarding what phrases and terms should be "left in the '00s" and 'foodie' was one of them. I agree only because it sounds derogatory or something, it's just not the most pleasant sounding word.

@johncmayer: "Really, so if I don't want to consider myself [a foodie], then I'll eat anything? You gonna finish that bag of glass?"

Funny thing is, I know some people who strike me as the type who may attempt to eat glass under certain circumstances. 'Certain circumstances' being boredom or due to a lame dare from an idiot friend. So maybe the foodie label is actually useful in some ways.

Anyway, thanks to my peculiar case of insomnia and lack of appetite, here's a catchy song that will follow you around all day.

You will be likening girls to falling dominos for hours.

2009-11-29T07:14:00.000-08:00

When you pray for God's guidance & His will, and have Him pry something from your hands that you'd rather control yourself, things will only get better.

I've been a Christian my whole life (though I have a turning point in my life where my eyes were opened and I made that decision on my own) so most of what sustains my faith is emotional and inexplicable. I "feel" God's presence, my soul "knows" He's there, but those abstract definitions often fall on deaf ears because we live in a logical world.

I talked with someone last night about their coming to know God after years of atheism and cynicism, and it was so convicting. Seeing someone who has always doubted find scientific, mathematical, and rational ways of proving God's existence and transform entirely was such a wonderful reminder to me of the power God has.

To come from such an insanely different background as someone, to find God through very dissimilar means, but to be able to unite in prayer and have the past be washed away, leaving behind such common ground is almost more inexplicable than those emotions that bind me to the Lord.

Thank you, Lord, for making life a gorgeous adventure & for answering your children's prayers.

2009-11-28T16:05:00.001-08:00

Back from Vegas!

And I'm a little obsessed with "Ready, Able" by Grizzly Bear:

I’m gonna take a stab at this
Surely we’ll be alright
Make a decision with a kiss
Maybe I have frostbite
And when I shuffled on back home
I made sure all my tracks in the snow were gone
Tissue and bone it was a tryst
This isn’t a gunfight
Checking it off of my list
Unable to write
Five years, countless months and a loan

And I'm falling for Bon Iver's "Blood Bank":

Then the snow started falling
We were stuck out in your car
You were rubbing both my hands
Chewing on a candy bar
you said ain't this just like the present
To be showing up like this
There's a moon waning crescent
We started to kiss

And I said I know it well

That secret that we know
That we don't know how to tell
I'm in love with your honor
I'm in love with your cheeks
What's that noise up the stairs baby
Is that Christmas morning?

Sensing any themes, here?

2009-11-26T07:24:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

I realized today that I focus on thankfulness quite a bit. The word "thankful" pops up in many of my blog posts and I feel that I discuss thankfulness pretty frequently. Looking back on my life, it seems that being so thankful has been a more recent development. In general, I seem to appreciate more now than I used to. For instance, when I was little, I wasn't very appreciative of nature. Now, simply walking past a pretty tree or seeing a few stars at night can take my breath away. I don't know how it's possible to be more blown away by beauty as an adult than as an imaginative little child, but I'd guess having a connection with God plays a big part in that :)

So at this very moment, I'm thankful to be with my family in a condo that takes us away from whatever issues we have to deal with at home. I'm thankful that I'm sipping on the perfect, super strong coffee that my parents always make. I'm thankful for a ginormous batch of mashed potatoes, thankful that my family is going to work out together this morning, thankful that I had a good night of sleep, thankful that I have amazing people in my life, thankful that I get to giggle with my sister for the next few days, etc etc etc.

I'm also thankful that this trip is allowing me to listen to a lot of new music without, you know, writing a paper simultaneously. I can watch the cars whizz by and just focus on the lyrics and the intricacy of the music and feel the harmony penetrate my soul. Here are some of the songs I've really been diggin' the past twenty-four hours:

The King of Carrot Flowers Part 1 - Neutral Milk Hotel

The Book I Read - Talking Heads

Whatever (Folk Song in C)- Elliott Smith

Countdown - Phoenix

We Were Sparkling - My Brightest Diamond

Scenic World (Lon Gisland EP version) - Beirut

The Preditory Wasp of the Palisades is Out to Get Us - Sufjan Stevens

How It Ends - Devotchka

I bet you'd be thankful too if you listened to those :)

Image found on Photobucket

2009-11-24T16:46:00.000-08:00

I've never understood why my weeks are often so bipolar. Yesterday I felt a sense of adventure. I was so thankful for everything going on in my life and I just felt so free.

Today, on the other hand, I feel self-conscious, stressed, confused, and a little melancholy.

Of course, it doesn't help that I haven't had coffee today, and I slept less than four hours last night. But in my current state, I'm attributing these feelings to the need to do some soul searching and somehow acquire thicker skin. I over-analyze everything and I need to learn to let go and just be. As I touched on in last night, I'm learning a lot about spontaneity, boldness, and taking risks lately. I'm always the girl who needs to plan out everything, who worries too frequently, who strives for her eight-hours-a-night of sleep at all costs.

But c'mon, I'm in college! I'm a nineteen year old girl and I need to experience sleepless nights and follow my intuition and not care what others think. I've got to make mistakes, invest in friendships, talk to new people, try new things, and live a bold, uninhibited life. I might make a total fool out of myself, but I need to focus on making each day truly count. Because in all honesty, each day could be an incredible adventure if I just make it so.

Who's with me!?

2009-11-22T17:09:00.000-08:00

Top Ten Dream Jobs (in no particular order):

-Successful, independent novelist
-Lyricist to an incredible musician
-The person who selects music for movies or television shows
-Writer for a fashion magazine
-Writer for a hilarious television show
-Personal stylist to the stars
-Back-up vocalist for someone legit
-Internationally renown DJ
-Person who writes descriptions on products to make them sound better than they are

-Movie, book or music critic

Hand 'em over!

2009-11-17T17:06:00.000-08:00

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have class starting at 8, which is grand aside from the fact that the shuttle system complicates things a bit. If I try to take the first shuttle at VDC Norte, I will most likely have to stand, or won't make it onto the bus, as the first shuttle doesn't arrive until 7:26. This puts me in quite a predicament, as I'm the type that likes to leave forty minutes to an hour early for class, so that I can walk there at a leisurely pace, perhaps tweet along the way, or grab coffee if I feel unable to make it through class without it (which happens more often than I'd like to admit).

That's why I've gotten into the habit of sneaking over to Arroyo Vista, where I lived last year, and taking their first shuttle, which leaves for campus at 7:22. The route is a bit longer, but oddly enough, it's one of the highlights of my morning. Why? Because it passes by the childcare area and family apartments, and at 7:30, a bunch of University student spawn board a little orange school bus.

I love how the parents are always in sweats and look like they've been studying the night away while their precious tykes slept soundly in the other room. They bend down and hand their children the appropriate Disney or Nickelodeon character lunch boxes, telling them to behave at school and reminding them to wear their jackets. Once the children are on board, the parents blow them air kisses as they wave out the window. Because the UCI shuttle system is always slightly off-schedule, I see a different portion of this ritual each time we pass. Sometimes the parents are standing with their arms crossed in the cold while their little ones play tag or compare shoes, the bus nowhere in sight. Other times, the kids are already waving out the window and the parents are discussing midterms or rushing back to bed.

I don't know why it affects me so much. Maybe because it's a display of the whole circle-of-life concept. Or because the parents are so close to my age. Or something to do with the fact that the whole family is still in school and lives on a school campus, making education something inescapable. Or because it makes me miss those good ol' days when I had to learn colors and shapes. I think it's a combination of all of the above.

2009-11-16T13:48:00.000-08:00

I'm still a bit under the weather and in a rather somber mood, which means I'm gravitating towards equally melancholy music. I was listening to my friend's college radio hour online and heard this song, "Woke Up New" by The Mountain Goats, and it's quickly becoming my anthem of the moment. I just adore these lyrics:

On the morning when I woke up without you for the first time
I felt free and I felt lonely and I felt scared
And I began to talk to myself almost immediately
Not being used to being the only person there

The first time I made coffee for just myself, I made too much of it
But I drank it all just cause you hate it when I let things go to waste
And I wandered through the house like a little boy lost in the mall
And an astronaut could've seen the hunger in my eyes from space

And I sang
Oh, What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
What do I do without you?

On the morning when I woke up without you for the first time
I was cold so I put on a sweater and I turned up the heat
And the walls began to close in and I felt so sad and frightened
I practically ran from the living room out into the street

And the wind began to blow and the trees began to pant
And the world in its cold way started coming alive
And I stood there like a business man waiting for the train
And I got ready for the future to arrive

And I sang
Oh, What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
What do I do without you?

2009-11-15T08:52:00.001-08:00

I know I tweeted about this song for Music Monday last week (so forgive me if you're tired of hearing about it) but for some reason I'm still hooked on "Melee" by Drew Smith. For some reason, my laptop isn't allowing me to burn CDs at the moment, so I'm currently unable to play this track in my car. I need to invest in a new iPod transmitter, because nothing beats driving while listening to worthwhile music. Especially if it's drizzling out, which would complement "Melee" perfectly.

"Melee" was featured in The Stepfather, which seems to be a remake of the 1987 film of the same name. I think it's basically a slightly eerier version of Disturbia in which there are two main differences: 1) The killer resides inside the home of the innocent family, rather than next door in an attempt to ramp up the spookiness and 2) The guy already scored the girl outside the perimeter of the film. Of course, the girl was a thin, attractive blonde who spent ample time by the pool and the guy was a handsome, troubled teen who had to be disciplined in some way after lashing out on account of his inability to deal with the loss of his biological father.

Both Disturbia and The Stepfather played the sex-appeal card, as any thriller geared towards teenagers would, but The Stepfather took things a bit overboard. The fact that the sexy girl virtually lived in her bathing suit, and when the hot guy wasn't shirtless, he was donning some excruciatingly tight wife-beater that showcased the guns he most likely doesn't house regularly underneath his Gossip Girl sweaters, was almost insulting. We get it; they're hot, and we realized that before the twelfth swimming pool scene. We understand; you want our hormones to cloud our judgment of the film, but it's not going to work on everyone. I'll be the first to admit it, the reason I wanted to see The Stepfather was because of my adoration for Penn Badgley (as was Shia my reason for seeing Disturbia) but after awhile, I was ready to see Penn back in his Brooklyn garb, playing an artsy writer. Sporting that lovely leather jacket would be fine with me as well.

2009-11-14T17:49:00.000-08:00

I had to miss school for the first time this year, as well as call out of work two days in a row, thanks to suddenly falling ill.

I didn't get much sleep last Monday and Tuesday night, and then on Wednesday I worked on homework from 5:30 am until 1 am on what was technically Thursday, only taking a couple short breaks. I wrote over twenty pages of material; I had to write a 10-15 page short story, two 1-2 page response papers to stories I annotated, a 4-5 page analytical poetry essay, and I had a huge German take-home test. I started developing a sore throat during the day on Wednesday, and during class on Thursday I started feeling feverish. Not a surprise considering the stress I put on myself!

Anyways, my symptoms worsened and I ended up going to bed at 7 pm on Thursday night. I woke up at midnight feeling awful and knew I wasn't going to be able to wake up in two hours to get ready for work, so I text one of my friends from work and they notified my boss for me. I slept so much on Friday and felt like a complete mess. My fever kept getting worse, I was extremely dizzy, my cough was terrible, my skin and muscles ached, and my head hurt. In other words, it wasn't good.

Thankfully, I feel somewhat improved today and have continued to relax. My sister brought me a Coldbuster from Jamba Juice and I watched three costume dramas with my mom: Sense & Sensibility, A Room with a View, and The Dutchess. Nothing helps your health improve like fancy outfits, British accents and chivalrous men who recite poetry by candlelight.

Hopefully I'll be in tip-top shape tomorrow so I can go bowling with my coworkers! :)

2009-11-09T18:17:00.000-08:00

I just worked out for my first time in a few months (aside from some long walks to campus from my apartment, of course! hehe) and it felt so exhilarating. Two of my apartment mates, Julia and Theresa, wanted me to go with them to a studio cycling class tonight at 5, and although I protested at first, I decided it would be a wise choice for me to rev up the endorphins. We ended up being a couple minutes late, as the walk to the Arc is a bit longer than one would assume, Theresa's hand-sensor wasn't working, and I ran into my poetry teacher (bwahaha).

So we walked into an almost-full class and I felt super awkward trying to figure out how to use the equipment while everyone was already warming up. I'd never been on a cycling machine before, and almost wanted to leave because I felt like such an idiot. I figured things out though, and ended up loving it! The teacher kept barking "KEEP GOING" at us and reminding us that she's twice our age, so that if she can do it, we can. She had some intense rap songs playing and had us cycle to different beats. My face was so red and my legs felt noodle-like afterward, but it was so rewarding. You feel so strong and capable after making it through an hour of non-stop motion. All three of us felt incredible and really want to go back next week!

Hopefully I'll be able to walk tomorrow though. Ouch!

2009-11-08T12:46:00.000-08:00

I'm really grateful that I have to write a 10-15 page creative writing assignment for my Intro to Fiction class this Thursday. I need to take the time to transform my mix of emotions into something beautiful on paper. A flurry of feelings is always the best inspiration, especially when you feel so contemplative and melancholy.
I keep thinking about how my number one strength (according to that Strengths Finder test) is "intellection" which basically just means that you think a lot, and always look for depth, that deeper meaning in everything around you. I know that that is the most vital part of my writing and I need to harness everything building up inside of me so that I can bring that out in my writing and journey in faith. I need to embrace my emotions and let them work themselves out over time. In the meanwhile, I can concentrate on my art and give it my full attention.

2009-11-03T22:28:00.000-08:00

I love those moments where you connect with someone in a way that reminds you that despite what defines a person as far as society is concerned-- religion, political views, hobbies, major, job, age, style, morality, strengths, weaknesses -- we are all human. And this means that in some way, we will all have something in common. Being able to surround yourself with people that you connect with in various, unique ways is what truly makes a life full. And when you find people that you can relate to in enormous ways, it morphs your view of the world, molding it from a place of isolation and division into a community where, at the heart of things, we are all designed by the very same Artist.

[Thank you, Lord, for growing friendships, night hikes, & shared interests. They all point to You.]

2009-11-02T16:41:00.000-08:00

Today is one of those days where I cannot fathom doing my homework yet, and am instead procrastinating in numerous ways that can still be considered somewhat productive.
For example, I went grocery shopping because I don't feel like editing a peer's paper (for once in my life -- I usually eat that stuff up!) and listened to a friend's online radio show that introduced me to some amazing new music. Of course, I had to look up the lyrics for every song and listen to a few of them again on YouTube...

I also spent some time cleaning out the kitchen cabinets of anything I knew I wasn't going to end up eating and tossed all of the freezer-burnt food that's been stored since the beginning of summer, so everything is lovely and spacious. I even visited the vile Norte trash chute three times today taking out trash and organized parts of my room. Just now I even cleaned up my iTunes a bit and am downloading music I've been wanting for quite some time. Hoorah!

If you're in the same boat and need a semi-productive (in my opinion, at least) escape from the mundane, here are a couple of songs recommendations of stuff I've been immersing myself in recently:

The Commander Thinks Aloud - The Long Winters
Cinnamon - The Long Winters
Better Man - James Morrisson
A Shine to It - Laura Stevenson
Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
All Alright - Sigur Ros
It's Over - Milosh
In The Morning - Junior Boys
Scenic World - Beirut
Crystallized - The XX
Nobody Lost, Nobody Found - Cut Copy

2009-10-30T22:26:00.000-07:00

I read this article when it first appeared in the Wall Street Journal (it caught my mother's eye because she recognized the name "Sufjan Stevens") and recently remembered it when reigniting my adoration for Sufjan. Although this Duffy guy's choice to hold private listening parties for the song he won the rights to has aggravated many Stevens fans, something about his decision is so beautiful to me. I love the idea of people having to physically seek out art; it's like Duffy has taken a snippet of Steven's melodious magic and protected it from the tarnishing of mainstream-hood. In addition, Duffy recognizes the power behind using music as means to create communal experience between strangers and dials things down by using real headphones -- no Apple earbuds here.
I know it's a bit extreme, but I honestly hope to go to Brooklyn one day and listen to "The Lonely Man of Winter." The opportunity just seems too incredible and unique to ever pass up.

On the other hand, this article really puts a damper on things. Uncover your buried passion, Sufie!

2009-10-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

A Falling Through - Ray LaMontagne

This has been on repeat in my humble abode since the moment of my discovery of it on Pandora yesterday evening. It actually sounds like the feeling of drinking hot tea, wrapped up in a handknit blanket, contemplating loss and inching further below the covers to hide your tears and puffy red face. Gotta love those synesthesia-inducing ballads.

2009-10-29T16:45:00.001-07:00

Today in my creative writing class, we played a game where each person wrote a noun on a piece of paper and the teacher redistributed the nouns so we each were given a new one. Then, the first person in the circle wrote two lines of a story, incorporating their new noun, folded over the first line of the paper, and passed it along. The next person continued the story, only knowing that last line, and so on and so forth. It took forever, so our teacher is going to read the completed story to us on Tuesday.

When I was in third grade, my teacher would play Mad Libs with our class fairly frequently. It always bothered me, because no one was very creative in their answers. A typical Mad Libs session went something like this:

"Okay, now we need a noun"

"TOILET! hahaha"

"Okay, now we need a verb"

"Jumping!"

"Now we need another noun"

"TOILET!"

"We already used that."

"Okay...bathroom!!"

"Well, bathroom is similar to toilet. Can we think of something else?"

"Ummm...chair!"

This happened every single time we played. Bodily functions always came up first, and when rejected by our teacher, kids came up with something merely sitting in the room. I was always raising my hand off to the side, hoping to balance out the lack of creativity with, say, "ostrich" instead of "dog" when asked for an "animal."

This in mind, when my creative writing teacher told us to write a noun, I tried to come up with something fairly random. It wasn't my best work, but I wrote "Toaster Strudel" on a piece of paper, and watched the receiver crack up and shake his head. See? That's why it's fun to pick something totally bizarre. Maybe it's too commonplace for some, but I personally haven't had a Toaster Strudel in ages.

I was handed a sheet of paper. Excitedly, I unveiled my noun... and stared down at a little scrap of paper with the word "chair" scrawled on it.

2009-10-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

I'm falling hard for Literary Journalism!

I did my first interview and observation/immersion reporting activity today! Granted, the interview was of a girl I've known for quite some time (Katie Hughson), but not very well, so it was still outside of my comfort zone. I now have an hour and a half of interview on tape, and about an hour of excerpts from a night of observing her run a high school youth group (which includes her mini sermon for the evening). I'm going to observe her on Sunday as well and I'm so excited!

I love the power of using a tape recorder (is that pathetic or what?) and the feel of a small yellow legal pad on my lap as I jot down extra tidbits of what I see around me. I love to listen, and as scary as the idea of interviewing is to me, it's basically just doing a lot of listening and taking everything in. I have so much that I could write about and it's going to be tough filtering out the info that isn't detrimental to my story.

So I have about two and a half hours of talking to somehow transcribe as soon as possible. Katie is getting married in ten days so while she's gone I can tackle that task of getting it all out on paper and do some outside interviews. I love learning about her life and can't wait to listen to the interview again. She's such a courageous woman and incredible role model!

So yeah, Literary Journalism, I'm diggin' you.

An Early Thanksgiving

2009-10-27T22:52:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that I am lucky enough to be involved in a Life Group of people who are willing to lay hands on someone and genuinely pray for them.

I cannot believe that I am lucky enough to partake in a group of people so willing to share their struggles upfront.

I cannot believe that I am lucky enough to be surrounded by such loving Christians who keep that balance between faith and fun, joy, craziness, silliness within friendships.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord, for this inexplicably perfect blessing.

2009-10-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

I just took a Strengths Finder test from the book Strengths Finder 2.0 that we are going through in my leadership course at Rockharbor.

My top five strengths:

Intellection
Empathy
Connectedness
Input
Developer

According to the book:
Talent ( a natural way of thinking, feeling or behaving) x Your Investment (time spent practicing, developing your skills, and building your knowledge base) = Strength (the ability to consistently provide near-perfect performance).

We're going through this book in my leadership course because after you take the test online with the code provided in the book and receive your results, it offers explanations of how to use your strengths when team-building and leading, and how your strengths interact with others' strengths. Fun stuff!

2009-10-25T23:02:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful for:

- An official subject for my Literary Journalism project (many thanks to Katie Hughson)!

- A hard-hitting sermon about forgiveness & deep conversation following

- Receiving Halloween cards from my German grandma and great aunt. Not only did they contain some much-appreciated moolah, but the one from my great aunt said "Have a happy scare Halloween." She asked if she used the word "scary" correctly. She's in her mid-eighties, so my sister and I said yes.

- Some wonderful hugs (cliche, perhaps, but hugs always mean a lot to me!)

-"Horchata" by Vampire Weekend

I will forever refer to owls as Bob and Terry

2009-10-23T20:28:00.000-07:00

I just got back from seeing Where the Wild Things Are with Jeff and I didn't think it quite lived up to the hype. I think there's something to be said for the power of advertisement; pairing a great song, such as Arcade Fire's Wake Up, with aesthetically pleasing clips from a movie attempting to depict a beloved children's book is brilliant. You really can't go wrong there.

I must admit that it was beautifully filmed. The whole light-streaming-through-trees Sofia Coppola trademark definitely turned up in Spike Jones' film. Weirder yet, the pretty, folksy music used throughout the movie was by Karen O and the Kids and it turns out this "Karen O" person also had a relationship with Spike Jones. A bit similar to Sofia Coppola's use of her current beau's band Phoenix in Marie Antoinette as characters. Hollywood art can be so incestuous.

I also liked the parallels between Carol and Max in their relationship to their families, their outlooks and the "wildness" within them. Also, Jeff and I went to Barnes and Noble afterward to read the book again and were shocked how well the characters were recreated in the movie. They look juuuust like Maurice Sendak's drawings! And while the book itself has very little conflict and the movie makes up a more intricate plot, I felt like the movie stayed in line with the book exceptionally well in comparison to, say, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince...Then again, Maurice Sendak was a producer of Where the Wild Things Are and J.K. Rowling doesn't have anything to do with the HP films.

I don't know, overall I thought it was a creative movie, but something about it was a little slow and not as adventurous as I was expecting. Rather, it was a bit frightening and sad (bones of the past kings? A birdlike creature gets its arm torn off? Family feuding?)...What did you think?

2009-10-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like introducing your roomies to the wonders of Damien Rice, and reminding yourself how much you used to swoon over his handsome, raspy vocals, his magnificent use of cello, his simple but meaningful lyrics, and flawless integration of the creamy voice of Lisa Hannigan. And of course, there's nothing like the memories that once latched on to the melody of Delicate or The Blower's Daughter, that etched themselves into the tracks so that you're destined to replay those moments in your mind upon listening. This power of music that allows one to recall sensory details in the instance a cord is played or a lyric uttered has been pretty prominent in my mind lately as I've been revisiting the music I had on loop when I first got my license, or a song I listened to during a breakup, or even a worship song I learned in middle school. All those emotions and distant memories come rushing back in full force, but this time they serve the purpose of helping you learn from your past, to examine how you've morphed and what you've done differently along the way. This idea, along with another major theme I've found to be an intrinsic aspect of life, stood out to me last night and I finally felt for the first time in my life than I had some material I could use to start working on an actual book. Everything fell into place; I don't want to give away anything else, but the structure and format I've wanted to use since I was a freshman in high school would fit my goal for a book perfectly. I went from turning down idea after idea, holding on to snip-its of story but nothing more, to having two solid projects that I'm excited to pursue. My prayers for inspiration and motivation have been answered in abundance this year, and I can't wait to see where God and my dreams will lead me!

2009-09-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

Back in my apartment for the new school year with a very large pile of text books and an extremely long to-do list despite the fact that my classes haven't begun.

And you know what?

I'm SO excited!

My class line-up for Fall 2009:
- Poetic Imagination (English 28A)
- Intro to Literary Journalism (Journalism 20)
- Beginning Fiction Writing (Writing 31)
- German 1A

I've been a little nervous about starting journalism (even though literary journalism (LJ) is a bit different), mostly due to the fact that interviewing people freaks me out a little. But after flipping through one of my LJ books today, I've been feeling a lot better about checking out that field. According to the book, some synonyms for "literary journalism" are "creative journalism", "creative nonfiction", and "documentary narrative," all of which sound right up my alley (and a bit similar to blogging?).

I'm going to be flooded with school work this quarter, but I can't wait to see what this fall brings!

I also found out today that I ended up receiving an A+ in my online screenwriting class! Yet another form of writing I'm debating about looking into further...

How is your school year starting off?

2009-09-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

Due to a whirlwind of summer class finals, college briefing, work and general family time/friends time before the start of Fall quarter, I have seriously neglected my blog.

At first, I was stuck on what to write about, as my summer has been filled with monotonous activities instead of having my ritualistic big-family-summer-trip to showcase as the high-light. It's weird to glance back at last summer and remember how I spent my time preparing for college, nervously checking final AP scores, visiting Paris and London and job-hunting, while now I am helping Amanda prepare for our LifeGroup becoming the "Rockharbor at UCI" club this year so that we can rent rooms and eventually hold an Alpha course on campus, preparing for a year filled with major classes (eek), have realized that this month marks my one year at Einsteins, am all settled into an apartment, and in general, feel so much more sure of myself. Instead of finding myself nervous-excited as I did going into school last year -- emphasis on the nervous, I'm finding myself nervous-excited -- emphasis on the excited. The very excited. I thought that I would be so totally over school after a summer chock-full of Linguistics, but instead I feel more motivated and ready to tackle all the writing and friend-making and interacting that lies ahead. Bring on the responsibility!

So as I was saying, I was stuck on what to write about at the end of August, beginning of September. I even started a blog post about how I lacked inspiration, but I guess my well was completely dry because I didn't even finish writing it! After I went to College Briefing at Forest Home from September 4-7 though, I felt so inspired that I didn't know where to begin! I've been journaling a lot lately, writing bits and pieces of fictional stuff, and having some good conversations, and with so much to update on and so many tidbits to share, I just didn't share at all. I know that I honestly can't relay everything I've been learning, but I'm hoping to, overtime, share a lot of what I've been learning.

The speaker at College Briefing was a pastor named Albert Tate who preaches at a church in Pasadena. Most of the time, speakers at these types of retreats can feel like a hit-or-miss: either you love them and feel they were speaking directly to you, or you know someone else felt that way even though the speakers words didn't personally challenge you in your faith. The crazy thing about Albert? I feel like 95% of the people at briefing were not just affected but were truly changed after hearing his sermons. He spoke four times, and each time resulted in my crying and writing pages and pages of notes and passages and prayers. I mended my faith, my relationship with Christ so much over the weekend, and I came back feeling inspired, refreshed, and ready for my finals.

And unlike the typical "camp high" that can't keep from being mentioned whenever retreats and camps come up, I feel like I left changed. Not just temporarily joyous and pious, but radically different. I hope that will be reflected in my blogging and writing and interacting and living and...the list goes on. This year will be very, very different. I'll make sure of it :D

"Let my girls be Hermiones...

2009-08-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

...rather than Pansy Parkinsons."

Rowling writing in a cafe in Edinburgh, found here

So I finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on Sunday and have been grieving the end of the series all week long. I still can't get over the fact that I started reading about Harry Potter in elementary school and finished in college. I don't think I've come across a series that can span one's life like that.

Attempting to mend my wounded heart, I've begun spending some time poking around J.K. Rowling's Official Site and looking up interviews with her and have uncovered some stuff that is helping to stitch up my heart.

First of all, I have noticed she speaks of writing her books as actually writing--by hand. The reason this makes me so happy is because I honestly like to write things out by hand before I type them up, but feel often feel guilty doing so when we are so blessed with technology. I feel the words flow out of me better when I'm scribbling, crossing out and drawing arrows in the first draft. And if J.K. Rowling can write an incredibly lengthy series that way, I can definitely accomplish something like that. True, she did start the series in 1990 (at the age of 25--I've got some time left, right?), when a laptop wasn't exactly an everyday object, and true, she used a laptop for a lot of the seventh book. Nevertheless, it comforts me to know that it's okay to...write with a quill like back in the day if that's what helps you.

In an interview between Amazon and J.K. Rowling:

Amazon.co.uk: Do you write by hand or on a computer?

Rowling: I still like writing by hand. Normally I do a first draft using pen and paper, and then do my first edit when I type it onto my computer. For some reason, I much prefer writing with a black pen than a blue one, and in a perfect world I'd always use "narrow feint" writing paper. But I have been known to write on all sorts of weird things when I didn't have a notepad with me. The names of the Hogwarts Houses were created on the back of an aeroplane sick bag. Yes, it was empty.

Secondly, she said she doesn't write everyday, and one days she writes, it can be "anything from 10 minutes to 10 hours". And she feels that being cooped up in a house is far too lonely and prefers to write in a public setting:

"It is no secret that the best place to write, in my opinion, is a cafe; you don't have to make your own coffee, you don't feel that you are in solitary confinement while you work and when inspiration fails, you can take a walk to the next cafe while your batteries re-charge. In my opinion, the best writing cafe is just crowded enough so that you blend in, but not so crowded that you end up sharing a table with somebody who tries to read chapter twenty upside down, has staff who don't glower at you if you sit there too long (though these days I can afford to keep ordering coffees even if I don't drink them, so that's less of a problem) and doesn't play very loud music, which is the only noise that disturbs me when I'm writing." (-J.K. Rowling, Official Site)
I love this because I often worry that if I did choose to live my life writing novels, that I would often feel very bored and lonely, and I like to see that other writers do worry about that hermit feeling, too.

Thirdly, I love this note Rowling wrote about body image and weight. I know I worry about those things way too much, and her note makes a lot of sense. This excerpt is my favorite portion:

"His bemusement at this everyday feature of female existence reminded me how strange and sick the 'fat' insult is. I mean, is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I'm not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain...

I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn't seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? 'You've lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!'

'Well,' I said, slightly nonplussed, 'the last time you saw me I'd just had a baby.'

What I felt like saying was, 'I've produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren't either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?' But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!"

Here's another note as well from Rowling shedding light on some rumors about her health habits, it's pretty amusing if you want to check it out :)

Lastly, it made all the difference to me when I read how finishing affected Rowling:
"‘Deathly Hallows’ remains my favourite book of the series. I hope that, even if it is not yours, you understood, at least, that this was where the story was always leading; it was the ending I had planned for seventeen years, and there was more satisfaction than you can probably imagine in finally sharing it with my readers.
As for mourning Harry – and I doubt I will be believed when I say this – nobody can have felt the end as deeply as I did. The writing of Harry Potter has been inextricably linked with my life for seventeen years, and saying goodbye has been just as tough as I always knew it would be."

For some reason, I thought she would feel relieved for it all to be over, to be able to just relax in her home in Scotland with her gigantic sum of money, raising her children and spending time with her husband. Instead, she says she was hard to live with for weeks after she finished, because Harry Potter took up so much of her life. I hope that I will feel that way about my writing and my characters if I ever write a novel, and that money is never, ever, ever the goal in my writing.

Cheers to J.K. Rowling!

A Bit Delayed

2009-08-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

Two weekends ago, I went to a wedding in Visalia, the town my dad grew up in. The young woman getting married was the daughter of my dad's friend from middle school and our families vacationed together and visited more frequently when I was little. Because my family isn't taking a vacation this summer and due to the fact that we are all so busy with work or school or church activities, we decided to turn the wedding into an excuse for a get-away.

After the wedding, we drove to Santa Monica to spend the night. Why? Well aside from the fact that 1. the hotels near Visalia were full due to a Jehovah's Witness convention and 2. the only things to do in Visalia seem to be antique shopping, walking down memory lane and admiring the brand-new Target Greatland, Santa Monica is one of those oh-hey-it's-not-that-far-from-us-so-why-do-we-rarely-go? kind of areas.

We stayed at the Huntley, a cool old building that was modernized into a lounge-like state. If only I could have had the soundtrack to the lobby or some of the wonderful smelling candles that greet you as you enter. Mmm.

The next morning, we went to a crepe place for breakfast. The most exciting thing about the restaurant was probably seeing gargantuan tubs of Nutella similar to the ones you can find on street vendors in Paris and sitting next to a German family, who probably have had their fair share of much more impressive crepes. After breakfast, we took a little walk and then packed up our belongings at the Huntley and headed to The Getty Villa in Malibu. I'd been there before, but it was fun taking a tour this time and learning about how Romans often kept pet eels and used garum on far too many dishes.

In addition to the garden tour, my mom took a great deal of pictures of my sister and I. We had fun pretending to dance down the hallways and being ridiculous.

Afterwards, we drove all around Malibu, looking at houses and hoping to spot celebs (which didn't happen). We drove around Pepperdine's campus though and I was surprised to see what it looks like. I didn't think it would be so hilly and yellowy-orange. And I cannot help but link that school to Chace Crawford!

After all of our exploring Malibu, we drove back to Santa Monica and ate at a Houston's for dinner. Yes, yes, I go there often enough, but why not try a new location? It was super delicious, as always. If you've never been to one, you seriously NEED to change that :)

Something I've been realizing lately, is the intensity and distinctions I see in my sister and I of both nature and nurture. We are different in a lot of ways, but then those differences and habits and whatnot seem to be linked to one of our parents in some way. And if not our parents, some other family members, but still, those differences seem to come a lot from nature. On the nurture level, I see a lot of similarities between us. Our often identical sense of humor and some of our likes and dislikes and expectations and mannerisms seem to fit into our family perfectly. My sister, parents and I can all joke about something in a way that I feel like other families must not do or wouldn't understand. But then it's almost impossible to figure out what attributes really do come from nature or from nurture. It's definitely all very important and closely intertwined, but I must say, whatever the distribution, I am very thankful to my parents for their nature and nurturing me and being lucky enough to have a sibling with such a combination of qualities so compatible with mine.

Shout-out to my mother:
I think I am turning into you, in a lot of ways at least. For example, I'm realizing that I have fallen in love with fall and winter and do not care as much for summer as I did previously. Maybe it's because of the classes, but the hot weather only appeals to me about every three days and I can't help but wish it would drizzle so that I would be justified in wanting to order hot coffee or have soup for dinner. Also, I keep feeling that the world is quite lacking in pumpkin and gingerbread flavored sweets and drinks and wish I could wear a cute sweater to class. In addition to favoring different seasons, celebrity gossip has grown on me in the past two years or so (not that you're addicted or anything, it's just I used to not be "in the know." Perhaps it is just a typical O.C. woman's rite of passage, though?). I also definitely love any movie that is a costume drama or contains British actors, keeping my space clean has become much more important to me, I now will drink coffee with just half-and-half (no sugar) and enjoy it, and have realized that baked good have entirely triumphed plain old candy and chocolate. Now obviously those are little, trivial similarities, but I just thought I should let you know! Luvs!

Shout-out to my father (who I am also turning into):
Please don't take offense at anything I said about Visalia! I just added in the comment about Target and memory lane for humor's sake :) I'm excited for our dinner Friday night! But I still don't know where we should go. Should we do Prego since momma doesn't like it? I'm also up for Bandera or giving Kimera a second shot! Any other ideas? Luvs!

2009-08-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

(I'm on the left end in blue)

My sister is leaving today to go backpacking with the high school group at Trinity.

I miss it so, so, so much.

(I'm three in on the right in purple)

Funny thing is, she's going to be with three of the girls in the picture above!
And wearing that same purple mountain-y jacket :)

(95) Minutes of Wonderful

2009-07-28T08:55:00.000-07:00

I had read fairly mixed reviews in the blogging world of how the highly anticipated (500) Days of Summer had turned out. Some bloggers who had initially posted a trailer and counted the days until its arrival turned out to be disappointed, while others found it unexpectedly witty and enjoyable. While I was excited for it to come out, it was mostly due to the actors. What girl doesn't admire the style and talent of Zooey Deschanel? And Joseph Gordon Levitt is serious swoon-material, especially in his cute little indie get-ups (casual ties, sweaters, vests, etc).

The movie turned out, in my opinion, to be exceptionally humorous, creative and bittersweet. I was impressed by some of the filming techniques (example: expectations versus reality, for anyone who has seen the film) and cried from laughing at the Ikea scene [my family is full of die-hard Ikea aficionados and Jeff and I stopped at Ikea to find him a new lamp on our second date (he wrote "You look really cute today!" on one of those lists for writing down product numbers and we still have it, teehee)].

Maybe it's just my screenwriting class making me appreciate random details in the script. Maybe it's just those attractive actors and their mouth-watering style. Maybe it's just that I am smitten with references to The Smiths and any director that softens scenes with streams of sunshine filtered through windows and trees. Maybe I just laughed harder than most at the quirky humor because I was sitting next to my sister. Maybe the flashback sequences and the day-counting kept my attention. Or maybe this movie is just really, really amazing.

Bottom line: Whatever the reasons are that make it good, go see it.

It's Surprising I Eventually Made Friends, Huh?

2009-07-16T08:35:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling extremely sentimental ever since I saw the sixth Harry Potter movie.

I read the first in the series in elementary school, probably about third grade or so. I remember hearing about it through my aunt and buying it in hardcover at the Scholastic Bookfair that came around once a year. Let me tell you, I was an insanely avid reader in elementary school. I fell in love with Goosebumps and read nearly every installment, as well as countless other series. Nancy Drew, Boxcar Children, Babysitters Club, random fantasy novels (don't judge me), the Princess Diaries, and the Alice series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor just to name a few. I was one of those quiet children who took a book out at recess and read under a tree instead of jumping off the swing when the teacher on playground duty had turned their back. And instead of an entirely cartoon-and-barbie-play-date-filled summer, I completed a reading challenge offered at the local library in which you fill in a bubble for every twenty minutes you read, and after you fill in this long, winding trail, you receive a prize of picking out a free book. One summer I completed it twice. I promise I was right there jumping off swings with the rest of my peers by fourth grade, but because of this keen interest in books, I've wanted to be a writer since second grade.

Unlike Babysitter's Club or any series one soon notes the 4th grade reading level icon on the back cover, Harry Potter is a series that I fell in love with in the midst of my reading obsession and has followed me through high school. Thanks to English classes with demanding reading requirements, textbook reading, homework, APs study sessions, cross country, choir and everything else that took up my time in high school, my passion for reading for pleasure has dwindled greatly. That's why I found myself knowing the plot of the first half of the sixth Harry Potter movie and having to wait for the second half of the book to unfold on-screen (sadly, the condensed, altered-for-the-screen version of the plot).

I feel like it was one of those weight-loss story moments. The person is living their life, oblivious to their increasing risk of heart-attack, and then they suddenly don't fit in the seat of their favorite roller coaster or can't play softball with their child and realize they need to take action. I'm realizing that being a good writer means being a fantastic reader, and though I'm always reading for classes, perusing my favorite blogs, immersing myself in Self and Cosmo, and uhh...appreciating my favorite music artists' lyrics, those activities don't cut it. I need to be squeezing in time for novels, plays, screenplays, collections of essays, etc. I know I'll be more motivated of my greater goal of becoming a profession writer if I keep reminding myself of the girl who read by flashlight each night before bed.

First task? Finally finish my beloved Harry Potter series.

Even if someone has to do this to me:

You Would Think...

2009-06-05T17:48:00.000-07:00

...that finishing my research paper on Marie Antoinette would alleviate my obsession with the film. Maybe even extinguish my passion for it entirely!

Instead, I'm left more in love with it than ever.
And have extended my obsession to the film's director, the lovely, multi-talented Sofia Coppola.

So glad to be done, now I can just enjoy it again!

Nostalgia

2009-05-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

I am undergoing an intense spell of nostalgia today.
My eyes keep welling up with tears, as I deal with this blur of memories and future premonitions. Not in a bad way, but it is bittersweet to say the least.

I went to second service at my church this morning and was able to see a bunch of my friends from high school group that are down from college for the long weekend. We've all had such different experiences this year, some people transferring schools, some having trouble adjusting, some dealing with roommate problems or living it up on campus. And while some things are still the same between us, we've all changed in many ways and we are going to continue to do so at a rapid pace.

So I was sitting in the pew, watching my old youth pastor speak, when he announced that due to taking on a new position recently in the church, he was no longer going to be the high school group pastor, and was handing it over to someone else. The recipient was a girl that was a senior in high school when I was a freshman. A girl who just graduated from Vanguard and is now engaged to be married to the boy she began to date that year that I met her.

I couldn't keep myself from crying. When did we all get so old? When did the girl who was in a Bible study with me as she juggled her last semester of high school blossom into a woman capable of taking over the position of my greatest earthly hero? He started out the same way, fresh out of college and recently wed to his high school sweetheart. They just bought a new house that God made possible for them to purchase and I got the privilege of seeing it today. It's a beautiful home and they have two adorable children, a blond girl and boy that are so full of energy and curiosity.

And I tried to picture what life will be like for the girl who is only three years older than me. God's words flow through her in the most unique way. Even as a senior, she would share stories about God's work in her life and everything she spoke seemed so effortless, heartfelt and true, as if the Lord switched off her ability to speak for herself and took over. I imagine that one day she will purchase a gorgeous little house by sheer means of God's providing love and will have adorable children that she giggles with and her husband will set them on his knees and let them play with his drum set. She will lead countless high schoolers to the Lord and her mere presence in the role of high school director will be testimony enough to what God can do. Because she once was in their shoes. I was once in those shoes. And in the meantime, I'm wandering, searching for where to go and what to be, and one day I'll be just like her, with God's purpose for me revealed and everything falling into place.

So I sat there with my eyes watering, and memories began flooding back. I remembered when I was on a boat to Catalina with the youth group and that girl was holding hands with the boy she is now engaged to, and I hadn't seen this before. They had just started dating about a month previously and I thought they made a cute couple. And I smiled because I remembered hearing her say how much she wanted a boyfriend a few months previous.

I remembered singing worship songs and meaning the lyrics more than I could ever express. And I remembered leaning on my friends and knowing that they felt the exact same way.

I remembered sitting on a rock on backpacking trips, no makeup and my hair in a matted ponytail, but feeling beautiful because I knew that God loved me. And I felt the sun on my face and wrote in a journal and had dried fruit and an Uncrustables sandwich for lunch that tasted glorious because when you're in the wilderness, everything tastes like the best thing you've ever eaten. I prayed and watched the clouds move and imagined God's fingertips pushing them across the sky.

I remembered star-gazing in Mexico on a hill in the dark with two friends. We talked about life and watched the town's lights go out at 11. We talked about what we wanted to do with our lives and I knew that God wanted me there in that moment.

I remembered deep talks outside the cabin at winter camps. And the way my friends and I would laugh at things that other people didn't understand, but somehow all twelve or so of us felt perfectly in sync. We'd have dance parties and ridiculous inside jokes and tell secrets.

I remembered summer pool parties and barbecues with my youth group. How I always felt bad for whoever was hosting the party because freshman boys would always drip chlorinated water on their rugs and kitchen floors when they came inside to use the bathroom or get a drink. And how I'd sit on the grass in a towel with wet hair and listen to a mini sermon and everyone would sing in unison to Jesus as the sun set. And by the end my hair would be dry but there would still be Red Vines left if anyone wanted to keep snacking.

I remembered listening to music while driving through the red rocks of Arizona in a church van, contemplating what God had taught me, helping a friend pull his life together, and feeling alive.

I remembered putting off my homework for Thursday night Bible studies and never regretting it, even once. Because God always gave me the strength to do my math problems when I got home or inspired me to write an essay for English class. I loved knowing I made the right choice.

I miss singing on mountain tops and dressing up in silly costumes for equally silly competitions. I miss broken-down buses and flat tires and the long rides that followed those problems getting fixed. I miss those deep talks, those heart-to-hearts, those times of confession. I miss those movie nights and prayer requests and being at church as much as I was at school. I miss the passion that can be festered in a youth group and how God can use a group like that.

I wonder where I will be in three years. I wonder what God has in store for me. I am currently a college student, still unsure of the depths of my talents and interests, and even more unsure of how college days are to be those days you long for later on in life, when you tell your children your embarrassing stories and show them old pictures of you that they laugh at for hours straight. I can only pray that God will grant me more and more moments like I experienced in my high school group during my next three years of college. He has taught me countless things this year, but unlike how He taught me in high school, which was in a consistently sugar-coated manner. Never-the-less, I feel His presence and I know He is guiding and molding me. I have faith that He will help me blossom in my own way, like He helped that girl who is three years older.

And maybe one day, someone will look at my life journey and their eyes will well up with tears as they realize God's astoundingly perfect guidance.

So...How Did I Forget That Again?

2009-05-14T08:12:00.000-07:00

After Life Group on Tuesday night, which continued the previous week's spree of amazing-ness, I felt refreshed and a great deal more hopeful about how things would turn out in my life. I've been questioning what my goals and dreams really are, and have been feeling pretty lost and worried about my future. I know I'm not alone in this, but I can't help but concentrate on those people who do have a clear goal or set of goals in mind and know their precise plan-of-attack regarding their ambitions.

It isn't that my Life Group meeting stripped me of all my questions about my passions and plans, but it did remind me of the most important factor in all my decision-making woes, He who made me, He who loves me, He who will take care of everything. It's not that I forget God, His presence or His love, but I forget the magnitude, the power, the effect and the endless abilities of His presence and love. In our meeting, we took turns sharing a recent time in which we knew God was there and His faithfulness was apparent. As we shared our story, we place a meringue (we were improvising; it was technically supposed to be stones) representing that moment on a plate, until altogether we created our own little ebenezer of memories of His hand in our lives.

Why is it so easy to forget so much good?

So yesterday I worked on something I've been lacking in as of late; I tried to pray throughout the day. I looked to prayer as the first solution to any problem, be it someone being physically or emotionally hurt, stress or worry, or even to get my creative juices flowing for my research paper. And the thing I realized?

It only helped.
I felt better, I figured out where on earth to head with my research paper, I helped others feel better, and the day turned out a whole lot better than I was expecting.

So do what you need to do to remind yourself of what He's done. And then pray your heart out, so He can keep adding stones (or meringues) to your pile. He wants to give them to you, so why aren't you asking or trusting, that He will?

I'm going to keep working on this, on rekindling that relationship that I've let simmer quietly on the side when the overwhelming feel of Spring Quarter arose. We all go through seasons in our faith and I can't believe how much my faith began to fade in the last few weeks; I started off the year with such exuberance! I'd love to hear any stories that anyone has, feel free to comment or contact me (I also was reminded of the importance of accountability at the meeting) :)

[photo credit: Michelle Kim]

Word to the Wise...

2009-05-11T11:09:00.000-07:00

I feel inspired.
I just read an article about how you make your own luck and I wish I could run up to the author
and give her a well-deserved high-five.
"She's so lucky that she got a promotion"
"She's so lucky that she started her own business and it worked"
"She's so lucky that she's on a successful diet"
Shouldn't it be
"She's so hard-working! She's so driven!"?
We can do whatever we want to do if we keep our goals in sight
And don't give up by blaming everything on "luck."
[And as my wonderful friend Jen always says, "you choose to be happy"]